Britain’s best one-liners, from Oxford’s 2013 edition

Modest about our national pride — and inordinately proud of our national modesty.

I always invest in companies an idiot could run, because one day one will.

I find it easy to portray businessmen. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.

I don’t work that way ….