Britain’s best one-liners, from Oxford’s 2013 edition

Modest about our national pride — and inordinately proud of our national modesty.

I always invest in companies an idiot could run, because one day one will.

I find it easy to portray businessmen. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.

I don’t work that way …. The very idea that all children want to be cuddled by a complete stranger I find completely amazing.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

On nudity
The part never calls for it. And I’ve never, ever used that excuse. The box-office calls for it.

Football is a simple game: 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end the Germans win.

Most popular

Rupert Darwall

Labour has walked into a net-zero trap of its own making

I’m the kind of person who embarks on an endless leapfrog down the great moral issues.