Bring back our bitchy celebs!

You would have to be quite odd not to approve of the sudden surge of solidarity amongst Hollywood stars of the female persuasion. (Though I did wonder, when Frances McDormand called so movingly during her Oscar-winner speech ‘Meryl, if you do it everyone else will!’ whether she meant ‘Suck up to Weinstein for years’ or ‘Give Polanski a standing ovation’ – because Streep certainly led the liberal sheep in those fields.) But still – Ancient Mariner on the oceans of objectionability that I am – I do miss the days when ‘actress’ was shorthand not for ‘whore’ but for ‘bitch.’

These days, female actors want to be seen to be building each other up rather than tearing each other down. As an adult, civilised human being, I understand of course that this is desirable – but as an immature, red-blooded bitch, I don’t. Even as a teenybopper in the 1970s, I somehow managed to grow up in thrall to the Golden Age of Hollywood; there, stars were bitchy specifically – ‘Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it’s because I’m not a bitch.