Tor Helness, the Norwegian-born superstar who now plays for Monaco, partnering his wife Gunn in the European Mixed Teams, had a total meltdown and stormed out when she let through 3NT. As you would. When he stormed back in she informed him that he would be playing the rest of the tournament with their (female) teammate as she couldn’t take him any longer. And off they went to play their match and convened for scoring up.
‘She played like a magician,’ he gushed as Gunn’s jaw hit the floor. ‘For once I could totally relax putting dummy down.’ I would have shot him!
Here, on the other hand, is my partner, Saint Artur of Malinowski, playing Teams with me in Biarritz.
Look, it was hot, I had been sitting in the sun, and clearly I was unfit to play. Two clubs, confidently bid by me, showed at least 5/5 in the Majors. It wasn’t until Artur bid hearts that I realised my five diamonds did not constitute a Major! I passed 3 hearts and waited for the fallout, mumbling my apologies. ‘Thank you, partner,’ said Artur, giggling, as he whistled the theme tune from The Muppets!
West led the Ace of Clubs, which Artur ruffed. He played a spade to the King, cashed the King of clubs, ruffed a club, played Ace and King of diamonds, ruffed a diamond, ruffed another club, cashed the Ace of spades and claimed nine tricks and his contract.
At the other table, the opps bid the normal four spades, and went down as they conceded three hearts and an overruff on the fourth.
A great lesson from Artur, who made his ridiculous contract instead of freaking about the contract we’d missed. Five IMPs to us.

Comments
Join the debate for just £1 a month
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for £3.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just £1 a monthAlready a subscriber? Log in