In his most recent column for the Mail, Boris Johnson fires a shot at, among other things, ‘the leftie twittersphere’. Lest we forget, that would be the same Boris Johnson that, during his time as prime minister, told us there was ‘nothing wrong with being woke’; who seemed remarkably unbothered about mass illegal immigration; who blithely nodded through the Bank of England printing funny money like there was no tomorrow (you’ll never guess, but it turned out there was, and we are now living in that tomorrow). He even, bizarrely, described the invasion of Ukraine as ‘a perfect example of toxic masculinity’.
Hilariously this demand for equal grinding impoverishment for all is always advanced by people who complain the loudest about poverty and austerity
Is there something buried under Downing Street? A cursed Viking funeral longboat? Some kind of electronic device that projects a Tory-damping field? Maybe even a chunk of anti-Tory kryptonite, glowing blue rather than green, planted by Gordon Brown in April 2010?
Because Boris is not the only Conservative who suddenly remembers that they are a Conservative the moment, or at least not very long after, they exit the cabinet. David Frost, Priti Patel, Dominic Raab, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nadine Dorries – all have snapped back to life, or in some cases what passes for it, after their various departures and defenestrations. Maybe some of that fighting spirit might possibly have been worth a punt when they were actually ministers?
At least Suella Braverman seems immune to the phenomenon, but her case is even stranger, as she regularly blasts the government while still being in it. She recently turned up at a Tory convention to rant about whichever chancer is currently Home Secretary.
If it’s like this now, imagine the scene after the almost inevitable bloodbath at the next election. We will see Grant Shapps with his own show on GB News – Shapps Snaps – snarling about loony lefties, pinko teachers and the woke BBC. Oliver Dowden will be railing against bleeding heart do-gooders and the Blob. Gillian Keegan – who seems to view her current job as Education Secretary as a bit of an embarrassment, and would clearly much rather be having a nice glass of wine in the garden – will be wearing an ‘Adult Human Female’ T-shirt and standing outside libraries shouting ‘HANDS OFF OUR KIDS!’ at drag queens.
This is all strange enough. But then we have the possibly even weirder reaction from people wailing that the problem with the government is that they are much too Tory, in a Thatcherite way. If Mrs Thatcher discourse seems ancient to me in my mid-fifties, to Gen Zers it must sound antediluvian. We might as well be discussing Nik Kershaw and The Tripods for all it will mean to them. And then there is the portrayal of the basic, dull principle of the free market as some kind of Blade Runner dystopia.
The free market is, after all, just paying attention to how much things actually cost. Another way of saying ‘reality’. We have forgotten that it was not rampant capitalism but government interference that kicked off our long enduring malaise in the noughties. The banks and financial institutions only behaved as banks and institutions with false information will, i.e. blowing up the economy and then bill the public for the pleasure.
There is a peculiar idea abroad that the money printing, lockdowns, massive increases in spending, eye-watering corporation tax – and even whatever Liz Truss thought she was doing – came from the Thatcherite principle of sound money. Aditya Chakrabortty in the Guardian last week produced some alarming and accurate stats and then blamed it all on the baleful long term influence of Mrs Thatcher. He complains about low growth and then says the answer is ‘redistribution rather than growth’.
That’s the problem is it? Too much growth? This is like angrily demanding that the England football team must do better and stop winning the World Cup. Hilariously this demand for equal grinding impoverishment for all is always advanced by people who complain the loudest about poverty and austerity.
This is a case of living in the world that you wish for, but being so blinded by tribalism that you can’t even see it. Jeremy Hunt is the greatest and most powerful ally of degrowthers. He’s doing a fantastic job of lowering living standards and stifling business. Just because he attended Charterhouse and wears nice ties doesn’t meant that he isn’t, if unwittingly, one of the declinist class.
Until, that is, the moment he departs – or, as seems likely, is kicked out of – Downing Street. Away from the baleful influence of that concealed kryptonite he will start ranting about leftie luvvies and publicly funded lawyers and saying ‘now, just you give me ten minutes in charge, I’d soon sort it out’.
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