Barking mad

The latest series of The Apprentice (BBC1, Sunday) had, I gather, its best ratings ever. God knows why. All those ghastly people! Lord Sugar! His sidekicks! The stupid, infuriating, boring contestants!

The last episode in the current series consisted of interviews with the four finalists, all of whom, in their own different ways, were barking. One young man was asked how he answered the criticism that he always talked in clichés. His reply, delivered without obvious irony, was, ‘I am what it says on the tin.’

The winner was a courteous young chap (called a ‘nerd’ in the popular press the next day, but that accusation is made against anyone wearing glasses) who has come up with a series of batty inventions, such as a biscuit to eat in emergencies, and a chair that might or might not prevent backache in a distant time. His only successful invention was a curved nail file, which is a good idea when you think about it, but he talked about it in the way that Joseph Smith probably discussed the Book of Mormon: ‘I am absolutely committed to making the nail file happen!’