August: Osage County? Why not make your own?

If you and your family are bored — if, for example, it’s one of those dull Sunday afternoons that seem to drag on for ever and it feels as if it’s never going to be time for The Antiques Road Show — you could gather together and play your own version of the family drama August: Osage County. Firstly, you will need to pretend it is hot, as this is August, in Osage County, Oklahoma, where it is not just hot, but Cat on a Hot Tin Roof hot, and so you will all have to repeatedly fan yourselves and say: ‘It’s so hot’ or ‘the heat!’ There will be no evidence it is so scorchingly, searingly, blisteringly hot; no damp patches under the arms or wet across the back or any sweat at all, so it’s not like you actually have to whack the heating up or anything, which is a blessing, energy prices being what they are.