As an expat Scot, I know how Scottish

There is a thing that many Scots do when they meet with other Scots. They start to sound more Scottish. Their consonants either grow jagged or fade away all together, their vowels twist, collude and extend. They start to say ‘aye’ in place of ‘yes’. They may even, if among friends, be tempted to risk the odd ‘och’. I wonder if this ever happens in Cabinet.

I can see Gordon Brow kicking it off, perhaps with a modest, Fife-ish, slightly extended ‘r’. John Reid might retort with a competitive Lanarkshire ‘gonny’ or ‘canny’. Pricking up his ears, the Glaswegian Douglas Alexander might decide to get in early with an ‘aye, but’, or a ‘nay, but’, and Kilwinning’s Des Browne might spot it, and note it, and emulate it.

On a bad day this could give Ian McCartney (Dunbartonshire) the courage to start talking, and that would be that. It would be like that Monty Python sketch about Yorkshiremen, and the likes of David Miliband and Tessa Jowell might as well close their red boxes and leave.