Are satanic abuse cops 120 per cent gullible?

I got lost in the forest near my house while walking the dog the other week. The path I was on, and which I thought I knew, narrowed until it was scarcely a path at all. The trees closed in and brambles tore at my legs. Somewhere, high above, I could hear the importuning mew of a buzzard. And then I reached a small clearing where the tall grass and the broom had been flattened. There were signs that a fire had been lit in the centre, and there were the shadows of human footprints in the hard earth.

I immediately felt sick inside — for I knew exactly and without question what this was. It had been the site of a satanic paedo-phile orgy involving our former prime minister Sir Edward Heath. Heaven knows how many children had lost their lives in this tiny glade in Kent during a foul and emetic bacchanal.