I was Shriti’s speechwriter once upon a time — but she won’t need me in Seoul
Several national newspapers lazily copied each other last week in describing me as ‘a former speechwriter to Shriti Vadera’ — the business minister who is leaving the government to become Gordon Brown’s emissary to the G20, and perhaps to prepare the way for his post-election role as director-general of a new economic world order of his own devising. As it happens, I am indeed her former speechwriter, but only in the rather limited sense that the late Bob Monkhouse is my former speechwriter: that is, I occasionally use one of Bob’s jokes, and my old friend Shriti once used one of mine. The difference is that Bob’s ancient gag always gets a laugh, but the long-forgotten one I inserted into Shriti’s speech (this was before she left the City to become Brown’s loyal confidante and enforcer) evoked nothing but painful silence, and to the best of my knowledge she never attempted to tell another one.
So Whitehall officials have me to blame for the brutally joke-free way she has treated them for the past decade. When it came to suggesting candidates for a post which involves commuting to Seoul to advise the South Korean president on his forthcoming role as G20 chairman, it’s not hard to imagine the response of Sir Humphrey: ‘Surely the ideal role for Baroness Vadera, Prime Minister, much though her, ahem, firm grasp of priorities would be missed by my colleagues…’
Happily for me, she probably won’t need a speechwriter in her behind-the-scenes role in the South Korean capital. Indeed, when she first arrives, she may find she doesn’t even need a desk. When I was a regular visitor 20 years ago, women in Korean government offices wore uniforms and were mostly employed to operate the lifts.
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