Across the soft-porn pages

Hearing that rope sales were going through the roof in New York, many of us naively assumed it was bored housewives wanting to recreate scenes from 50 Shades of Grey. Now, after another weekend of wall-to-wall broadsheet analysis of the least sexiest bonkbuster of all time, you have to wonder whether it might have been bought for another purpose.
 
The Guardian dedicated their usually reliably highbrow Review section to the phenomenon, persuading some hilariously unexpected writers (Will Self! Jeanette Winterson! Lol!) to have a go at their own sex scenes. I couldn’t face reading them, but you can here. And if you’re really into masochism, here’s an angry blogpost Alastair Campbell wrote about how ‘crap Guardian editing’ ruined his own effort.
 
Erika Mitchell (the real woman behind E.L. James) was profiled in the Sunday Times and Telegraph – the latter a brilliantly snooty piece in which we learnt that Mitchell ‘drives a Mini, her favourite tipple is Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc – around £8 a bottle – and she loves eating Nutella with a spoon.’