Few things better capture the crazed cognitive dissonance of our age than this: that while we cower behind masks for fear of a virus so harmless in most cases that you don’t even know you’ve got it, we watch shows like World’s Toughest Race: Eco-Challenge Fiji and think: ‘That looks fun. Wouldn’t mind having a go at that one day, if I had the money…’
This year’s Eco-Challenge — don’t be put off by the name: like the James Delingpole Eco TV column, as it’s now officially called, it’s just a marketing device to gull idiots (not you obviously) — comprises a 416-mile, 11-day race by 66 teams around Fiji, across shark-infested seas, down white-water rivers, up flooding canyons, abseiling down waterfalls and so on. It has been revived after several years’ hiatus with the added cruel twist that at any moment, jumping backwards and performing multiple somersaults from his helicopter before landing next to you in his special knee–reinforced trademark adventure trousers is the beaming figure of Bear Grylls to ask just how you’re feeling.
It must be horrible having Bear Grylls arrive to capture and relay your agony and shame to millions
Don’t get me wrong: I love Bear Grylls. The fact that he follows me on Twitter (he has 1.4 million followers, but follows only 761 people) I consider to be possibly my life’s greatest achievement thus far. But gosh it must be horrible, when you’re testing the very limits of your endurance, having Bear turn up to capture you on film at your very worst — there to relay your agony and shame to millions of viewers on Amazon Prime.
Take poor Dan. At the beginning of the race, a fast paddle up-river and out to sea on a native outrigger, Dan and his Team Bend from Oregon surge to an early lead, ahead of the rugged, leathery Kiwi favourites.
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