This is a cautionary tale for any young couples out there thinking of tying the knot. Be wary of what you have in common — it may end up dividing you.
When I first got together with Caroline, one of the things that made me think we were well suited was her slightly curmudgeonly nature. She wasn’t a full-blown misanthrope like me, but she was fond of a good grumble, particularly about other people. That’s a character trait that can leave you feeling quite isolated — it’s borderline socially unacceptable — so it was quite bonding to discover we both suffered from the same vice. Caroline reminded me of the slogan on a novelty cushion I once saw: ‘If you can’t think of anything nice to say… come and sit next to me.’
I’m not talking about horrible, mean stuff — we didn’t stand in the corner at parties, sniggering about people being fat or having bad teeth. It was more idiosyncratic than that, as if we were aware of certain unspoken rules of social etiquette and found it unspeakably irritating when others ignored them, even though no one else knew anything about them. Our life together was like one continuous episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, except instead of me being Larry and Caroline being his long-suffering wife, we were both Larry.
For instance, we found it intensely annoying when other people talked while you were trying to watch television. Didn’t they realise that that ruined the whole experience? And what’s with these people who simply carry on a conversation with you when they’re on the lavatory, as if it’s just another room they’ve gone into momentarily? That’s just gross. And is there anything worse than people who drive too slowly? They should be arrested.
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