A handy guide to hugging

Boris Johnson has announced that the government will permit hugging from Monday 17 May. In subsequent weeks, it is expected that permission will be granted for people to hold hands, kiss and, perhaps, engage in even more intimate acts of mutual appreciation. However, the authorities remain cautious about mutant variants and their ability to spread through rampant hugging. 

Former SAGE expert and BBC commentator, Neil Ferguson, has played a key role in government policy throughout the pandemic. Initially responsible for producing forecasts that led to social distancing policies, Ferguson is also rumoured to have performed a series of covert, close contact experiments with his married girlfriend. The results of these experiments – conducted at the height of lockdown – have given us the reassurance we need that it is OK to hug. Indeed, why stop there? 

The government has insisted that restrictions on social distancing will be lifted in response to ‘data not dates’.