7 alternative jobs for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex

Lords, Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages: the moment you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex, are calling time on their membership of the royal family, deciding to live a financially independent existence, and flying off into the sunset for the snowy wilds of Canada, to live among the trees and elk, beavers and bobcats, presumably to get involved in the fur trade, or logging business, in order to support themselves.

Of course, they’ll be doing nothing of the sort. Despite having been effectively raised on a grouse moor, shooting and clubbing animals for their hides is no longer an acceptable pastime for a young prince, and nor is logging — deforestation being a leading cause of climate change or some other thing. Of course, the damage can be offset with cash if you’re a sleb, but it’s rather self defeating if it’s your own cash you’re stumping up, not the taxpayer’s.