So the wassailing and drinking and pigging out has been done. The relatives have mercifully left. You have taken many, many medications to restore to yourself a certain cloudy consciousness and are beginning to wonder what the year ahead holds in store. Keep taking those medications, then — because here is 2013 in full. I’d stay in the shed if I were you.
January
Several countries which took part in the exciting ‘Arab Spring’ of 2011 announce new laws to prevent women from smiling, buying shoes and hogging the TV remote. Worried about the possibility of defeat in next year’s referendum on independence, Sir Alex Salmond further lowers the voting age to five for human beings and just two for ‘all antlered animals’. North Korea launches another rocket but they mix up the quantities of vinegar and baking soda and it just covers everyone with foam. Moody’s lowers the UK’s credit rating from AAA to a new category, ‘You must be joking, mate’.
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