1. Flattening the curve
No, it’s not some sort of fat-burning home workout (though these have become extremely popular since the quarantine hit).
Rather, this is about slowing the spread to reduce the burden on our NHS. A flatter infection curve will save the health service from ruin and mean that, when this thing finally tails off, we can all go out to the pub again and stop worrying about our curves for good. Mine’s a pork pie and a pint.
2. The Wuhan Shake
Designed to minimise hand-to-hand contact, these dreadfully awkward gestures have been adopted in business meetings the world over. From serious-looking politicians to sports stars and celebs, everyone’s at it. The problem is, the ‘Elbow Bump’ sounds more like one of those ghastly flash-mob-style dance phenomenons, like the ‘Harlem Shake’. Remember that? Others will simply be grateful that this odd greeting has temporarily replaced the high five (Jeremy Corbyn, I’m looking at you).
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