Spectator competition: craft a voter-repelling party political broadcast (plus James Joyce and co. give Phil Neville a masterclass in football commentary)

Unkind comparisons were drawn, after his commentary debut, between Phil Neville’s style and a speak-your-weight machine. One Twitter user speculated, when the England physio was stretchered off injured, that it was because he’d ‘slipped into a coma when a live feed of Neville’s commentary was played into his earpiece’.

England physio Gary Lewin who was stretchered off after injuring his ankle had actually "fallen into a coma" listening to Neville.

— Fiendish_Swine (@Fiendish_Swine) June 16, 2014

The latest challenge, in which competitors were invited give poor Phil a few pointers courtesy of a well-known writer, produced some lively and stimulating punditry. G.M. Davis offered the World Cup Dan Brown-style: ‘After a secret convocation in March 2002 Fifa proclaimed that the 2014 World Cup would be held in South America. Half-signifying the sacramental status of the tournament, Brazil was named as the “host” country.’ Rob Stuart’s Camus also stood out: ‘The national side’s apathetic performance, milling around in a state of ennui, staring at the sun, staring at the grass, surely indicates that they have been suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer absurdity of competitive football’.