Once again Mary has invited some of her favourite figures in the public eye to submit personal queries for her attention.
From Sir Les Patterson
Q. I am a distinguished Australian diplomat and happily married man, and I recently had a discreet liaison with a lady of oriental descent who was married to a newspaper tycoon. They are splitting up and I’m worried my name could be dragged into the limelight. How can I keep this out of the press? Alternatively, if it hits the headlines, how do I keep Lady Patterson from reading about it?
A. Tongues are already wagging so it is too late for a cover-up, but fortunately the scandal will break at a time when most senior commentators and grand inquisitors will be on holiday. In their absence, and in the absence of up-to-date images of yourself and Lady P, this story will have no fuel to fire it. Therefore take Lady P on a romantic maxi-break to a remote island, perhaps somewhere in Polynesia, where you can escape prying long lenses. By the time the festive season is over, a new scandal will have knocked your own off the perch.
From Andrew Castle
Q. After a career that has taken in Centre Court, the GMTV sofa and the ballroom, the time has come for a new hip. The operation is fairly routine but recovery will be spent at home in Balham over Christmas. The full house of family and friends will include my mother-in-law, whom I lovingly refer to as Cruella de Vil. I do love her but I don’t wish to spend every waking moment with her. How am I going to find some peace and quiet, being temporarily crippled and therefore unable to escape the kitchen?
A. Ask your wife to confide in Cruella the following confession she has extracted from you.
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