Dear Mary solves problems for Sir Les Patterson, Rachel Johnson, Rory Stewart and more

Once again Mary has invited some of her favourite figures in the public eye to submit personal queries for her attention.

From Sir Les Patterson

Q. I am a distinguished Australian diplomat and happily married man, and I recently had a discreet liaison with a lady of oriental descent who was married to a newspaper tycoon. They are splitting up and I’m worried my name could be dragged into the limelight. How can I keep this out of the press? Alternatively, if it hits the headlines, how do I keep Lady Patterson from reading about it?

 A. Tongues are already wagging so it is too late for a cover-up, but fortunately the scandal will break at a time when most senior commentators and grand inquisitors will be on holiday. In their absence, and in the absence of up-to-date images of yourself and Lady P, this story will have no fuel to fire it.